Check Engine? More Like Check My Sanity

My son was a dear little chap, and anyone who knows him can attest to that, except his sisters, naturally. They wouldn't hesitate to throw him under a bus. He had a high regard, for me, his mother and that was never so apparent as this particular morning. On the way to school my "low washer fluid" light comes on, I don't say anything but make a mental note of it. After I drop them off in the school parking lot, Grady comes running back. I asked him if he had forgotten something, but no he wanted to make sure I had heard the warning ding, that accompanied the light coming on.  I explained I had, what it was for and that his dad could refill it for me tonight. Grady in all seriousness replied "Mum, you don't have to wait for dad, there is a bottle of washer fluid behind your seat" I look at him incredulously. He actually thinks me - the mechanic's worse nightmare - can refill the washer fluid. The confidence he has in my abilities is stunning. I gently explain to him that I wouldn't know where to put the washer fluid but refrain from adding that the first time I had to "pop the hood", I had to climb out my van and have the mechanic do it, because I couldn't find the lever. You know, the big red one by my left knee with an icon of an open hood upon it.  I only wish my other children held me in such high esteem. 

So, Grady is very reluctantly doing his homework one morning, with a huge cardboard box on his head. I asked Rob to take a picture so I could post it on Facebook to show his teacher how Grady works at home. Grady immediately whipped the box off his head and complained vehemently "No, don't put it on Facebook. Every time you post something it makes me look like an idiot". I don't think he gets the irony of that remark.

At what age do siblings start to get along, asking for a friend ...Sid: (cleaning the bathroom) "Why does Grady never have to clean the bathroom ?"Grady: "Because it's a woman's job"Sid: "I'm going to fart on your pillow"Grady: "You're going to get fucked up".Sid will never learn that Grady - albeit foolhardy - lives to push all her buttons, and Grady has yet to learn that Sid has honed revenge to a fine art.

Childless friends used to ask me what it was like to be a stay at home mum with three children. Well, for one thing I had no idea that as a parent I could wield so much power.  Who knew that you could ruin your child's day just by breathing? Woe betide you if you dared utter a morning greeting, some days that was on the same disaster level as the sinking of the Titanic. Meanwhile, forget about the "Terrible Twos", save your strength for the "F*** You Fours", you'll need it.

We awoke one morning to a huge crash from the kitchen. Based on the ensuing wreckage, Rob guessed that at least one of the useless cats had gone after our resident mouse, too bad they trashed the kitchen doing it. No sign of a corpse, but I knew it would show up eventually.

Although I have older three sisters, they had all left home when I was quite young, so essentially, I grew up as an only child. This is probably why I never cease to be amazed at how my children can pull out all the stops when it comes to a fight. Where did I go wrong?