No Ifs, Just Butts: A Guide to Guinea Pig Gender

I think it is just possible that my youngest daughter may have inherited my "lack of sympathy gene". Back in the day we had three guinea pigs, the first, Becky - was the class pet that Grady inherited, and he adored her. The second - Cruella - we purchased from a pet store and the third - Piggy, was her offspring. We actually borrowed a stud guinea pig from the pet store. This was serious business!!   Initially we were only going to keep a baby if it was a girl, so they could all go in one cage. Sadly, there was only one live birth, and it eventually turned out to be a boy. 

I have to digress here, because you would not believe how you determine the sex of a baby guinea pig. You have to hold it on its back and um, for want of a better description, massage the genital area. If something appears, or as Sid so eloquently describes it as "pops a chub" then it is a boy. You can only imagine, this was definitely a task for Rob. So there he is, pig in hand, rubbing away at the nether regions, nothing is popping out, but the eyes have rolled back in its head, and it had the biggest smile on its face.  Based on that experiment we conclude Piggy is a girl. Just to be sure, a week or so later we take "her" back to Al at the pet store for a second opinion. Turns out Rob was rubbing in the wrong place - don't get me started - and as soon as Al tapped the pig, we realized very quickly Piggy was in fact a boy.   By this time, the whole family adores him, so there is no way he is going back to the pet store, plans have to be made to re-arrange cage occupation, in order to keep him.

Anyway, back to my original theme. Sid has given up on her idea of getting a puppy and is now asking for her own guinea pig when she turns twelve. Grady nixes that idea, by telling her - quite rightly - that their father will never allow four guinea pigs, (it was amazing he agreed to three). At which point Sidney turns to Grady and announces, "It won't be four, Becky will be dead by then". Poor Grady went off to school, convinced the demise of his guinea pig is now imminent. That girl is heartless!