Childless friends used to ask me what it was like to be a stay at home mum with three children. Well, for one thing I had no idea that as a parent I could wield so much power. Who knew that you could ruin your child's day just by breathing? Woe betide you if you dared utter a morning greeting, some days that was on the same disaster level as the sinking of the Titanic. Meanwhile, forget about the "Terrible Twos", save your strength for the "F*** You Fours", you'll need it.
When your son asks if can gather some sticks, by all means say yes. However, if he then asks to borrow a sharp knife, now is a good time to investigate. Bow and arrows anyone ? Don't assume if your children are quiet, all is well. The chances are, if they haven't already done something they shouldn't have - they are just about to. If in answer to your question "What are you doing ?" they reply "Nothing", it's already too late, and you're in for a world of hurt.
You'd think when Rob was at home it would help to divide and conquer. Not really. Tempers were running high one morning, and Grady decides to take on his sister. God knows why, when Sid outweighed him by at least 10lb and she fights dirty. Anyway, despite being warned not to, he proceeds to ping her with an elastic band. I'm not even sure it hit her, but her retaliation was swift and fierce. While Rob is home, he is under the assumption he is "in charge" so I leave him to deal with the fallout. Very effective.
Rob: "Grady stop crying"
Grady: Still crying
Rob: "Grady, shut up. Why did you annoy your sister?"
Grady: "Because.she ...."
Rob: "Didn't I tell you to be quiet? Don't speak. Why are you winding up your sister ? "
Grady: " She ...."
Rob: " I. SAID. BE. QUIET. "
Me: "Then stop asking him f***ing questions" Honestly, you'd think he'd get it.
15 years on, and pretty much nothing has changed.
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